Getting older and setting goals

The little man was getting ready for school on Tuesday morning when he spotted this hot air balloon out the window. Much excitement ensued, involving me hurriedly seeking out the zoom lens for the camera and then leaning out the front window (no doubt to the amusement of the neighbours).

He said he wasn't sure he'd like to go in one as he's afraid of heights (I don't think he is really, but his Daddy is, so he thinks he must be too), but I said I'd love to. As the balloon moved across the sky we saw that it had Happy Birthday written on the other side and the little man said I should go in one for mine.

Now this got me thinking. Every other blogger seems to do these 30 before 30, 90 before 90 (!) blog posts and I'm approaching a big birthday. OK, it's still over 2 years away, but for the first time ever I'm really not happy about getting older. 20 was easy, happy to see the back of my teens, 30 wasn't a problem either, but 40.... I remember my Mum's 40th birthday party as if it were yesterday (rather than 28 years ago) and, well this just makes me feel old (sorry Mum!). 

It's a combination of things... I have properly grey hair nowadays (it's coloured), I have permanent lines that aren't shifting (and the idea of Botox is no longer abhorrent to me - give me another 5 years and I'll decide that a facelift is fine too no doubt). I look tired (and therefore older) all of the time. I find it increasingly hard to loose weight. I also feel as if I've achieved absolutely nothing in nearly 38 years. 

So the question is, do I set myself a 40 before 40 and set it now, so I have some hope of achieving it? Would setting myself some concrete goals spur me on or just set me up for failure (and then feeling even worse about it when the dreaded birthday comes along)? 

I have a few ideas along the lines of getting back into exercise (sticking with the new yoga regime but maybe getting back into running and swimming too), finding time to read some books, trying to sort my business out so I can actually afford to pay myself. They all seem to be things I'm constantly working towards anyway but not managing to do, so I'm not sure how putting myself under even more pressure to achieve them is going to help.

I can of course add stuff like the hot air balloon ride, but that sort of thing is all dependent upon having the time and money (and I honestly have no idea whatsoever how much a hot air balloon ride would cost - it may even be so much that I don't consider it to be worth it anyway).

So, I'm going to have a think about it. I don't want to write a list if it's just going to turn into another annoying to do list, when I already have plenty of those. It'll only work if it's full of things I'll look forward to, and I'd probably need more than 2 years to get through that! 

Have you done a 40 before 40 (or 30 before 30 or similar)? Did you think it was a good idea or did it just put you under too much pressure?

Garden time again!

I love this time of year as, weather permitting, I can really get back out in the garden again. I've mentioned before that gardening is pretty much my favourite way to relax - nothing too heavy, just a pootle, but at this time of year as the flowers are starting to pop up (and I'm eagerly watching the shoots on my beloved peonies) it's actually quite exciting.

Having said that, we went to the garden centre last weekend and managed to spend a total of £4! I bought some geraniums to brighten up the window box. I'm still a little nervous about buying anything which could be damaged by frost, as there's a risk. I'm also never quite sure what's lurking in the flower beds - I tend to forget what's where, think I have a gap, then later discover I don't!

While we were at the garden centre we had a little look at the greenhouses. I'd quite like to get a small one so I can start growing a few things from seed. We don't have much space though and it'd be very much on show, so I've parked that idea for the time being. It'd have to be a nice pretty looking one and they're expensive! 

I did stumble across a rather odd set up in one of the sheds though... vintage sewing machines and a vintage shop model doing the ironing. An image I just can't get out of my head! Loved the sewing machines though!!

Paris with the 5 year old...

So we decided to take the little man to one of our favourite places. Mr M and I had been to Paris many times in our pre-parenting days and we wanted to show it to him - I also had a little dream of him sailing a boat in the pond at the Jardin du Luxembourg (more on that later). It was good, but didn't go entirely to plan.

The small boy was VERY excited about going to Paris. We reminded him frequently that we would not be going to Disneyland and he seemed OK with that - to be fair he didn't mention it at all while we were away so he clearly was OK with it. He was looking forward to seeing the Eiffel Tower and just visiting Paris (always loves to be somewhere different). As we'd been so many times before it was easy to plan our trip around him - nothing we needed to go and see and we'd do whatever he wanted to. 

So, the first stop was our hotel - the Hotel George Opera. We chose this hotel as it looked to be very child friendly, wasn't too horribly expensive, and had an apartment so the little man could sleep in a separate room (so quieter and we didn't have to go to bed early with him). Unfortunately though when we arrived they'd double booked our room so we had to spend the first night in a standard triple room, which really took the edge off things (we all had to go to bed at 9pm). They did refund us for the first night and move us to the apartment for our second one - it was much much better. 

The breakfast room was lovely and had a really nice area for younger children to play - the little man managed to amuse himself for a few minutes though with the kitchen. 

First stop after dropping off our bags was the metro to the Eiffel Tower. Our hotel was just up the road from Saint Georges metro station (and down from Pigalle) - we'd never stayed in this part of town before and it made a nice change. Once you drop down the hill a bit the ultra touristy, tacky Pigalle area actually becomes quite nice. We took the metro to Trocadero so we could recreate a photo from my first visit 24 years ago (almost to the day) but sadly there were hoardings up which prevented it. The little man was still excited to see the tower though (and not fussed to go up, which was a good thing as we'd left it too late to buy the queue jump tickets) - we walked under the tower and through the gardens on the other side where I hunted for mangnolia in flower (only spotted one the whole weekend and it was too far away to photograph!). 

We found a cafe on Rue Cler for a much needed snack and glass of wine, before heading back to the hotel. We found a great little pizza place for dinner, which was a 10 minute walk from the hotel (we went both nights as the little man loved it and behaved himself there - arguably the most important thing as for the most part his behaviour was atrocious to the point of embarrassing). Trying to find somewhere suitable to eat with him in the evenings was tricky as most places are child friendly during the day (provided they behave - he didn't) but not at night. Our hotel didn't have a restaurant so that wasn't an option... 

On day 2 we headed off to the Jardin du Luxembourg to find the boats. Which we couldn't. We searched and searched and established (as best we could with zero signage or information) that they were closed. Little man was sad. I was possibly even more so. So we headed off to the play area which was brilliant. There's a small entrance fee but for that you get a huge playground with a great range of equipment, which is clean and in excellent condition (so a far cry from South London!). We were there for about an hour and he completely wore himself out, before we walked over to Rue Du Buci (another of Mr M and my favourite spots from years gone by) for lunch. He did OK but kept wanting to crawl along the benches as if he was a toddler (give me strength). 

After lunch we walked up to the river to take a boat trip (something we did do once - I think on our first visit) so very touristy but the plan was to appease the little man. It sort of worked. We took a boat from and back to Pont Neuf. 

He was then complaining about the sun in his eyes (he doesn't have shades as he wears glasses and prescription sunglasses aren't recommended for children) so we headed to the shops to get him a cap. Then a walk through the Louve "Oh look, pyramides!" and the Tuileries where we had ice creams and he had a massive tantrum when he got covered in chocolate ice cream and I wanted to wipe it off. Then a trip on the big wheel before heading back to the hotel to chill out in our larger room for a little while. 

As I mentioned we went to the pizza place again for tea, but then walked up to Sacre Coeur (taking the funicular for the last part) so see the sun go down and the lights come on. This was a bit of a mistake as they were selling lit up Eiffel Tower models up there (we'd already bought him a normal one) so a good 20 minutes of screaming and crying ensued when we said he couldn't have one. Then back to bed...

On our last day the first stop was the Centre Pompidou. It was closed as it was a Tuesday but that was OK as I didn't plan to pay to take the little man in as his attention span was similar to that of a gnat. We had a look at the outside and he commended that it looks like a hamster cage (good observation) then popped to a cafe next door for excellent hot chocolate.

We then agreed to take him to a toy shop. We wanted a nice toy shop so where else but Galleries Lafayette? He chose a Paris bendy bus and was very happy with that. This was the first trip to Paris where I didn't buy anything for myself at all! 

We found a bistro for lunch en route to the Champs Elysees then walked along to the Arc de Triomphe where the little man ran around a bit (and Mr M looked out for car crashes) before heading back to the metro and the hotel to collect our case and travel back to Gare du Nord for our 5pm Eurostar. 

So it was pretty exhausting, but the little man still says he had a brilliant time and he loves Paris. He told me not to be sad that I was leaving as he's going to take me back when he's a bit older. Mr M and I are currently debating whether we ever want to go on holiday with him again!! It's definitely true that there's no such thing as a holiday when you have children - work is much easier!

Hasn't put me off Paris though...

A new leaf?

I've spoken before about my total inability to relax properly. I've also been feeling pretty sluggish and knackered and just generally under the weather since Christmas. After a few bad weeks, and then a lovely (properly) relaxing day out I decided I needed to do something about it.

Now, in the interests of sticking with this I've decided to share!

There's a yoga studio, literally around the corner from my house. I'd always assumed it was lovely (looked like it from outside/the website) but the times of the classes were never quite right - either no childcare at those times/days or no time, or felt I couldn't justify the cost. Well, the class is an hour and a half long, which even though it's just around the corner, is still 2 hours out of my working day once I'm organised and have got myself there and back. There are a couple I can physically get to though, and the classes are hatha yoga (my preferred type - I like to stretch and breathe properly and relax, not enter into a contortion competition). So last week I decided to go for it. You have to book in advance, which is good for me as I'm far less likely to back out at the last minute. So I went along to my first class the other day feeling a little apprehensive. 

My last yoga class had been years and years ago and it was one of those sweaty, competitive, 30+ people in the room at the gym jobs, and I never found them that relaxing. I also felt that I couldn't keep up (some people were super flexible - I'm not). So I was after no pressure yoga... This was completely different. A proper purpose built yoga studio - all calming and lovely - no underlying smell of sweat (and wonderfully clean yoga mats - anyone who's done yoga at a gym without their own mat will understand the joy this brings!). 

Anyway, it was wonderful and I came away feeling great. A bit sore the next day (I have a bad back and my current exercise regime involves walking - lots of it, but just walking), but sore in a good way if you know what I mean (and I think the stiff neck was more down to the amazing night's sleep I had - stayed in the same position too long!). So I'll be back. 

From a relaxation point of view I realised at the end of the class that I'd barely thought about anything other than what I was doing the whole time. This never happens! So in between classes I've decided to seek out a little more relaxation with some short meditations. I've used Headspace in the past so I'm planning to try them out again, and I also dug out an old customised hypnotherapy recording I had made for me after a session I had years ago (I partially credit this hypnotherapy session with my against all odds miracle pregnancy but everyone thinks I'm nuts - timing was uncanny though...). So the aim is to try and retain my current, slightly more chilled than usual (no longer as chilled as I was at the end of the class!) state but incorporating a little relaxation most, if not every day.

Now the last time I found a yoga class I loved it got me started on all sorts of other exercise as I felt so good. Let's see if this helps me to resume the running and swimming I used to do. That would be nice.

Oh, and did I feel like I'd lost 2 hours of time for my work? No, I had a blindingly productive afternoon and got what I'd usually do in 7 hours done in 5. So there you go...

Channelling my inner Marie Kondo...

Only those who've been living, not under a rock as such, but maybe on a nice remote island with no internet, can have missed Marie Kondo. Her book, The Life Changing Magic of Tidying has been all over everything recently. I don't have a copy myself but am led to believe the idea is that you get rid of everything you don't use on a daily basis or is totally wonderful and/or makes your space beautiful (so a little like William Morris). However I'm not entirely sure I've fully grasped how ruthless she is, and I'm pretty sure it's not for me - I'm more maximalist than minimalist...

The house is looking minimal by our standards at the moment though as we had a massive clear out. It's sort of still ongoing - once one room looks great the mess in the others tends to look worse so you get inspired. We started with the bathroom where we discovered products which were 9 years out of date (we've been in the house for less than 6 so that means we moved with them... why????) and Mr M concocted what can only be described as his own version of George's Marvellous Medicine as we did our best to empty everything out and recycle all of the packaging. The bathroom is now practically empty, but you know I have everything I need. Funny that.

I then moved on to my dressing table - the rest of the bedroom was OK (and I did my wardrobe a few weeks ago), but I still found plenty of other bits to add to the bucket and the recycling. And look, I found a dressing table under it all!

Found lots of jewellery I'd forgotten I had too....

This all felt very nice but there was one elephant of a room in the house - it was driving Mr M and I nuts... The living room/playroom. The only room with a TV and the comfiest sofa, totally surrounded by heaps of plastic toys and a complete mess. So we decided to go to IKEA (as you do on a Sunday afternoon).

So yes, another Kallax shelving unit, but a small one, tucked into the corner of the room. Several items moved to the little mans bedroom and others went to the charity shop, but after that we got most of his toys into this. I'm so happy I can't put it into words. So Marie must be right, it is life changing?!

Decided to take the opportunity to chuck out the filthy old cushions and do the sofa revamp too. I'd planned to wait until I've finished my needlepoint, but as I'm only just over half way through, it'll be months, so in the meantime I went with this. The green and orange cushion on the left is one the little man choose in IKEA a few months ago. Pink one in front by yours truly, jammy dodger from Nikki McWilliams and the gorgeous square cushion on the right bought a couple of years ago from Rachel Parker. 

I've subsequently sorted out my studio (long overdue) and started on the spare bedroom/loft/general dumping ground upstairs. We've got rid of a fair amount of baby stuff recently but there's still a lot up there...

The next thing I know I'm standing in WH Smith looking for Marie Kondo's book, and I realised that by buying it I'll go completely against the whole idea of decluttering! So I haven't. Fairly sure it'll just make me feel bad as I won't be able to live up to her standards (and I'm not sure I want to). But I'm fairly sure that a tidy home can be life changing.

Book Week and the Epic Poo

I struggle a little with the fact that the small boy is not as interested in books as I was. I could read before I started school, and ploughed my way through all the books ahead of my class the whole way to secondary school.

The little man on the other hand, likes the idea but didn't realise that he would actually have to work at learning to read - I think he expected to just go to school and be able to do it. He was rather disappointed that he couldn't and struggled a bit in reception. He had extra help for the first term this year and I think he's turned a corner. The great thing about phonics is that once you've got the hang of it you can read almost anything.

He still didn't quite get my book week related excitement though... When I was at primary school it was the highlight of my year - we even had a book fair and I designed the poster a couple of times.

First of all he hates dressing up... So we had to come up with a character he could dress up as without feeling like he was dressed up. Aaargh. Instagram friends came to my rescue and we went for the boy from the Oliver Jeffers books. He was very happy and apparently his outfit went down well at school too. Here's a picture of said character in case you're unfamiliar.

Then last Monday he came home with the news that he'd been promoted to the next level of reading books - which is always something to celebrate for someone who struggles a bit. He then announced that he was to start work on his first novel. So here it is (very early draft of course!).... Thomas and the Epic Poo...

It involves a snake (the green thing), pants, a plunger and some orange sweets. Basically, small boy does an enormous poo and there are to be many adventures...

The opening chapter: "Once upon a time there was a boy called Thomas. He had an epic poo. It got stuck in the toilet. It was very big. I don't know what he'd eaten! It smelt awful. How would we get it to flush away? I don't know! To be continued...".

So maybe I'm just getting the whole thing wrong by not being gross enough?! He loves being read to and we're pretty much through the Roald Dahl books (although I don't think there's any harm in reading them again). At the moment I'm reading him The Borrowers in an attempt to recapture some of my childhood book related excitement but I'm not sure it's really grabbing him. Maybe the Tales of Narnia, but again... 

So, any recommendations for books for reading to nearly 6 year old boys which are a little gross but will still entertain me? This may be too much to ask but I'm glad that he's starting to develop an interest at last! 

Loosing The Mojo...

Hmmm, I think it's the time of year or something...

At the time of writing (Tuesday morning, 10.30am) I have lost my mojo. Completely. It's gone. Hence I'm writing this when I should really be doing some "proper work". I'm tired, not feeling it.

Just updated my stats for my main blog, social media and everything for February and it's left me depressed. I had an amazing December (best month ever), which was almost bettered by an amazing January (usually the worst month) - I was busy, full of ideas and motivation. In February it started to slow down (I had expected this) but now it's stopped. I almost feel as if I've dropped off the face of the planet.

A very short trawl through social media tells me that I'm not alone - I genuinely think a decline in work and mood generally does go with the last few weeks of winter. Oh, and to cap it all the weather is lousy again - filthy. I've put the flowers above on my desk this morning in an attempt to counteract the filthiness going on outside the window...

So I figured if I'm feeling miserable and plenty of others are too, I'd compile a little list of cheering (also free or very cheap - which is important if business is slow!) things I like to do - either to restore the mojo or just to give in and wait it out.

1. The flowers. So no, this one isn't free, and yes I have pushed the boat out today. The flowers above were bought this morning in Sainsbury's for £5. This is way more than I usually spend. At this time of year daffodils are my favourite and they're £1 a bunch. Sometimes I splash out and buy 2 bunches. Alternatively they have tulips for £2.50. I tend to get at least a week out of them.

2. Tea and cake. A day without tea in it is a very bad day indeed. My favourite tea at the moment is Twining's Everyday (the one in the yellow box). If this can be accompanied by cake, all the better.

3. Tidy up. As I type this my studio is a mess again. If I can drag myself up from this desk I should tidy it. I have more, better ideas in a tidy, inspiring space. I need to take down old stuff and stick new things on the wall.

4. The garden. One for the summer, not today as it's just hideous out there. Hideous I tell you. But, in the summer if I'm feeling a bit meh I drop everything and go out in the garden. My absolute favourite job out there is mowing the lawn and doing the edging, but I'll settle for weeding or pruning if that doesn't need doing. There's always something to do, and I find pootling around out there to be far more relaxing than sitting in a chair looking at it.

5. Restyle a room. Sort of the equivalent of doing the garden but for nasty days like today. Might try this later. Bonus points for taking pictures to share on Instagram at a later date!

6. Read. Not something work related. This is hard for me as I have stacks of stuff to inspire me, but sometimes you need to loose yourself. So ideally a novel. I don't have time to read usually so this is also a real luxury for me. See my earlier post here for some ideas.

7. Make something. This also needs to not be work related (in my case preferably something that can never be and that I won't photograph and share/write a blog post about either - this is tricky!). So painting and drawing can be good, or any craft  - best to do something you're familiar with so you don't have to think about it too much/get frustrated.

8. Glossy magazines. I'm talking to you Vogue. I also like Bazaar. None of the self improvement nonsense, no depressing gossip about celebrities I've never heard of. Nothing I can possibly turn into something work related. Just unaffordable beautiful clothes, nice pictures and a bit of escapism.

9. Woody Allen. Or insert your favourite films here. It has to be a very bad day though for me to sacrifice so much "valuable work time"...

10. Sort out the wardrobe/make-up drawer. Sometimes doing number 8 above can prompt this. I had a wonderful wardrobe clear out a few weeks ago and it made me feel great.

11. Have a bath. All the more indulgent if you rarely get to have one. I'm a shower girl due to necessity (small boy, and spend all of my evenings working, one way or another). I'm a fan of a Lush bath bomb - the Yoga Bomb is my favourite.

12. List achievements. I don't mean in your life, I mean in the last day/week. If you're anything like me you're brilliant at remembering and listing the bad stuff and the things that went wrong. Focus on the good stuff - you've probably achieved a lot this week, you've just forgotten about it.

13. Stats. Now if you're a stats person like me, you need hard evidence of those achievements. One of the things that has contributed to my funk today is stats. My stats for February 2016. One month. This is already rubbish. I need to compare month on month, year on year. And I know, without even checking, that this is a pretty continuous upward trajectory of growth, and I am definitely heading in the right direction. So snap out of it Kate. And don't look at one day/week/month of rubbishness in isolation.

14. Keep going. Still feeling rubbish? There's one guaranteed way to fail. Giving up. I frequently need to remind myself of this. If I give up, someone will take my place. If I give up I will regret it and wonder what might've been forever. If you can afford/have the time and opportunity to keep going, keep going.

15. However, step away... But step away today and have a break. It won't make any difference (unless you're on a major deadline today and you'll completely mess up everything if you don't achieve it, in which case take the break tomorrow!). That's what I'm planning to do now.